xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
