you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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