But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
