I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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