Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
