did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
