I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
