she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
