well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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