I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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