She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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