I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
