dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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