She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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