ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
