i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
