i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
