Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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