He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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