either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I want to be your penis for a week.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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