I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
