you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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