corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
