i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
