he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Houston, we have a squirter
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
