i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize