that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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