He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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