Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
