I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
