i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
