Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
