Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
