i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
