dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
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