Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
