are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
