i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
