When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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