Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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