You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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