the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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