a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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