I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
