Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
