I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
