those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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