just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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