I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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