My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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