Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
