dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
