They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
