So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
