this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
