This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
