just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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