why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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