I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
