yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
