don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize