i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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