I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
