It's Friday. Sex?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
