oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
